


Remembrance Day

by RocknVaughn



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Leotilda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:33:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocknVaughn/pseuds/RocknVaughn
Summary: As the first anniversary of Day Zero draws near, Mattie needs to find some relief from her own grief and guilt.And really, there's only one place she can think of to go.*******Written as part of the Humans Predictions challenge on Tumblr.Written after trailer release but before episode release.More Leotilda, naturally.





	Remembrance Day

~0~

 

In the overcast early evening gloom, the taxi rolled to an idling stop at the side of a deserted wooded lane.

“Are you certain that this is your destination?” the taxi driver asked Mattie as his orange eyes met hers in the rear view mirror. “There does not appear to be any residences nearby.”

“I’m sure,” Mattie responded, barely restraining an eyeroll as she shouldered her backpack.

“This is not a safe area for humans,” the synthetic continued, swiveling woodenly in his seat so that the DriverCorp badge on the lapel of his jacket was visible. “Video surveillance of this area has not yet been completed.”

This time, Mattie _did_ roll her eyes. “Look--” Mattie leaned forward to read the name badge, “--Harvey. It’s not that I don’t appreciate your government-approved, Big Brother concern and all, but just give me the damn fare amount so I can be on my way, yeah?”

Harvey nods and turns forward again. “The fare is 38 pounds 40. Would you like me to charge it to your Unique Human Number account?”

Mattie chucked two twenty pound notes over the divider and they fluttered into Harvey’s lap. “No thanks,” she sing-songed with a saccharine-tainted voice. “Keep the change.”

She waited until the red tail lights of the taxi rounded the bend in the road and disappeared from view before she turned and shoved her way through the waist high weeds and onto the narrow footpath they obscured. Based on her best estimate, Mattie figured that she might be able to make the compound before dusk, but she’d definitely be cutting it close.

She could have gotten left off much closer than this isolated spot, but with Human-Synth relations currently at an all-time low, Mattie didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise the relative safety of one of the largest synth havens in the UK. Besides, spending a little more time away from the all-seeing eyes of the NSDU was hardly a bad thing.

Mattie’s shoulders hunched under more than just the weight of her pack. Indeed, the mental burden she carried 24/7 was almost more than she could bear.

One hundred and ten _thousand_ people dead worldwide...and the conscious synth casualty rate was easily ten times that amount. And all because she’d pushed one stupid button.

Mattie stopped to mop beads of sweat off her brow with the sleeve of her camouflage jacket and then took a swig of tepid water from her reusable bottle, blinking back tears and trying not to think of her mother’s face as she’d slammed the door shut behind her as she’d left.

Out of everyone, Mattie thought for sure that her Mum would have understood why she needed to go. _Yeah, not so much._

~0~

“Mattie, it’s absolutely, positively out of the question!” Laura’s voice was shrill as it raised with alarm.

Mattie crossed her arms across her chest and glared. “In case you haven’t noticed, Mum, I’m over the age of consent. You can’t stop me.”

Laura immediately changed tack. “But you were supposed to go and visit your dad this weekend. Don’t you want to see him? It’s been months, Mattie.”

“You know what? No, I _don’t_ want to see him. Him and that whole, stupid synth-free town make me sick. They can go shove their self-righteous, discriminatory rhetoric up their kindly, pious arses!”

“Matilda!”

“I’m sorry, Mum, but it’s true! Dad’s turned into one of those “We Are People” lemmings. He’s one of the few people on this earth who knew about conscious synths before Day Zero, and yet he’s still like that.  It’s _disgusting_. I’m just glad you didn’t let him take Toby and Sophie to live there, too.”

While all of that was true, Mattie couldn’t tell her mother the real reason she didn’t want to go to Waltringham that weekend: it was the first anniversary of Day Zero was this weekend, and the last thing Mattie could stand was the idea of being surrounded by a bunch of anti-synth humans mourning the dead people that she helped create.

“While your father and I may not agree with the hows, we both love and care about you kids and want what’s best for you.”

“No, he’s an idiot who thinks that sticking his head in the sand like an ostrich is going to fix everything.”

Laura glared at Mattie. “Fine. You’re not going to Waltringham. But that still doesn’t explain why you have to go _there_. It’s dangerous!”

“In case you haven’t noticed... _everywhere_ is dangerous these days.”

“Not as dangerous as going to see _them_ again.”

“Mum--”

“You could just stay here with me--”

“--Mum--”

“--I’ll beg off work this weekend--”

“ _\--Mum!_ ”

Startled by the sheer volume of Mattie’s outburst, Laura stopped talking abruptly.

“I’m going.”

“But what if you get hurt?”

“I’m not going to get hurt.”

“Or arrested? You know how much WAP-leaning press would love it if one my kids got caught illegally consorting with conscious synths…”

Mattie’s voice was frosty. “Like I care.”

“You need to care, Matilda. Something like that could set Synth rights negotiations back for months, maybe even years.”

“You have no right to lecture me. Since Day Zero, I’ve been out there in the trenches trying to make things happen, and _you_? You’ve been so busy dealing with shit from the Foundation that you’ve barely noticed Tob, or me, or Soph for months! But now you care about what I do because it might mess up your _image_?!”

From the pain blossoming on Laura's face it was obvious to Mattie that had been a low blow, but at the minute, she was too damned livid to care. “So you know what? Fuck the Foundation, fuck your image...and _fuck you_!”

Mattie wrenched open the front door, and with a scathing last look at her mother, slammed the door shut behind her.

_Her Mum just didn’t understand. No one did._

~0~

Mattie was pulled forcefully from her reverie by the iron-grip of a synthetic hand that stopped her forward movement so suddenly that she stumbled sideways off the track.

While the first synth her held her in place, a tall, husky synth she hasn’t seen before approached her from behind a tree just off the path. Mattie steeled herself to keep from flinching away from his menacing approach. “You are not welcome here, _human_ ,” he spat, growling the last word in her ear.

“I mean no harm to any of you--” she began before she was cut off.

“Oh, of course...humans never _mean_ to cause harm, do they?”

Mattie lifted her chin defiantly. “Whatever humans you _think_ you know, none of them are me.”

Husky Synth nodded and the unseen synth let go of her arm, but shoved Mattie slightly forward so that she was trapped between them. “This is your last chance, human. Leave now, or else I cannot vouch for your continued safety.” Unseen Synth crowded Mattie menacingly from behind.

Mattie plonked herself onto the floor. “No,” she said, looking up at her captor defiantly. “I’ve come to see Leo Elster, and I’m not leaving until that happens.”

The synth’s eyes widened slightly before he informed her coldly, “There is no Leo Elster here.”

“You must be new,” Mattie responded, pulling her backpack into her lap and rummaging through the front zipper pocket in order to hide the shaking of her hands. “There’s no point in trying to pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about because I’ve been here before. The rail yard is just over that ridge.” Mattie nodded in the compound’s direction with her chin.

At that, an unfamiliar female synth stepped onto the path from the other side. Both of Mattie’s captors deferred to her. “What should we do with it?” the synth behind Mattie asked, toeing at her with the tip of his boot. “It refuses to leave.”

“You will stay with her whilst I determine the veracity of her claim,” Looking down at Mattie, the synth asked her calmly, “What is your name, human?”

Mattie nodded. “It’s Mattie. Mattie Hawkins.”

The female made eye contact with the other two. “I shall return shortly,” she said and melted into the shadows of the forest.

~0~

Fifteen minutes later, the female synth returned with a familiar figure trailing behind her.

As Mia joined the circle of synths around Mattie, she scolded, “You shouldn’t be here,” her hands propped on her hips imperiously. “Someone could have followed you; discovered us.”

 _You sound like my Mum,_ Mattie thought, but what she said aloud was, “It’s not exactly my first time doing this, Mia, and you know it. No one followed me.  And...I needed to see Leo.”

Mia nodded once and put out her hand for Mattie to grasp, pulling her effortlessly to her feet whilst the other three synths stepped back to make room. “This is Mattie,” she said to the other synths by way of introduction. “She is a friend to us. She is welcome here.”

The others nodded at them deferentially and then Mia turned back the way she’d come, Mattie jogging to keep up with her.

“It was not safe for you to come as you did; without notice so that we could not give the sentries prior notification. You were lucky you were not injured.”

“Fine,” Mattie said bitterly, “I get it. It was stupid of me to come. I suppose you think I should leave now?”

Mia looked startled. “No, of course not, Mattie. I meant what I said; you are welcome here. I am merely concerned with your safety. There have been several anti-synth attacks in this area in the last few weeks and it has all of the sentries on edge. I would not wish for any harm to come to you.”

Mattie was grateful for the long shadows of the forest that hid the tears she blinked back. “Sorry, Mia. It’s...been a tough day.”

Mia’s gait slowed and Mattie fell into step at her side. “I imagine it has been,” Mia murmured, and Mattie felt fingers brush against her arm as they walked. “And tomorrow moreso, I suspect.”

Mattie could not keep the tears from choking her voice. “Yes.”

“Then come,” Mia soothed, her fingers enclosing Mattie’s as they entered the compound, “and we shall endeavour to occupy your mind with other things.”

~0~

Mattie had been to the rail yard a few times in the past year, but she was still startled at just how many changes had occurred in the time since Day Zero. Inside the chain link fence, the yard was teeming with movement and life. What had once been a decrepit, overgrown yard of mouldering, rusted train parts was now row upon row of cleaned and freshened-up cars, inhabited by synths of all sizes, shapes, and colours. Weeds had been plucked and grass cut; whilst here and there trees sprouted and flowers grew.

“You guys have been busy since I was last here,” Mattie remarked, awed by her surroundings.

Mia shrugged a shoulder. “It’s easy when you have many hands and not much else to do.”

Mattie was surprised as Mia walked them right past Max’s train car. “But...?”

“He isn’t there right now,” Mia replied. “He’s in the plant.”

On the opposite end of the train yard from where they’d entered the compound sat a large, square concrete building. Like the rest of the yard, it was clear that the building had once been in a state of disrepair: many of its windows had broken panes which had since been boarded over, and the few that remained intact had been thickly glazed over to the point where the dim light emanating from them left only tea coloured rectangles upon the ground.

As Mattie and Mia entered the building, a small group of synths held the door for them and then exited. Not paying much attention, Mattie thanked them automatically.

“You’re welcome,” said a very familiar voice...one that caused Mattie to flinch and turn violently to watch the synths walk away.

At her elbow, Mia reminded her, “You knew she wasn’t a unique model.”

“Yes, but…” Mattie shivered and rubbed her suddenly sweaty palms against her jeans, “...it’s still pretty damned unnerving.”

“I felt similarly at first, but this Hester is nothing like the one we knew.”

Mattie snarked dryly, “Forgive me if I don’t feel like becoming best mates with her anytime soon.”

“Funny...Leo said something similar.” Mia replied and then motioned, “This way.”

Mattie was ushered into an office, complete with a desk, chairs and even a military-style cot set up near a power strip filled with unused charging cables.

“If you would like to wait here, I will find him for you.”

Mattie shrugged off her backpack and jacket and dumped them into one of the chairs. “Sure,” she said, flopping down onto the cot and tucking her hands behind her head. It wasn’t as if Mia was giving her much of a choice.

Ever since Mia had met her, Leo, and Hester near their lookout over the Qualia compound more than a year ago, Mattie had sensed a difference in the way the synth treated her. Even though she had saved Mattie from Hester’s rather unpleasant form of _persuasion_ , she was still more adversarial...less trusting of humans than she’d been before.

Her Mum had said something about a man, one that Mia had cared for and had not treated her well, but she hoped that experience hadn’t soured Mia on all mankind. After all, it wasn’t as if Mattie held Hester against the rest of the synths, now did she?

Although if Mattie hadn’t already been exposed to the Elsters, she could have...she _definitely_ could have. After learning about what Hester had done to Leo, Mattie wished she’d been present, if only to have gotten to watch Niska crack the living room floor when she squished Hester’s head like a grape. Instead, she had to settle with grinding the heel of her boot into the unrepaired dent whenever she walked by it.

And just like that, Mattie’s mind was right back where it always seemed to go: Day Zero and how her stupid naivete had caused the chain reaction that killed all those innocent people and vilified the sentient synths she’d created.

Mattie rolled over, her back to the door, curling up into a foetal position on the cot as furious, unshed tears burned in her eyes. She clenched her hands into fists, tighter and tighter until her fingernails dug crescent-shaped marks into her palms. She wanted to feel the pain... _deserved_ the pain…

“Hey,” Leo’s welcome voice greeted as the office door clicked shut behind him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon.”

Mattie rubbed the wetness of her red-rimmed eyes onto her sleeves before rolling over and sitting up. “Yeah, well, you know...It’s your raw animal magnetism. I just couldn’t stay away,” she snarked in their usual style of banter.

But by now, Leo knew Mattie too well to be fooled by it. He dragged one of the chairs closer and sat down in it, leaning his elbows onto his knees as he leaned toward her. “Don’t do that,” he said softly. He reached out tentatively to hold her hands, encompassing them between his own. “Don’t hide behind your sarcasm.”

Her still-raw pain made Mattie’s voice sharp. “What would _you_ know about it?”

Leo shrugged one shoulder and quirked one corner of his mouth wryly. “Quite a lot, actually.” He leaned in as if imparting a secret and continued, “That’s probably not a surprise to you.”

Mattie snorted. “Not really, no.”

“So, then...stop hiding and tell me what you came all this way to talk about.”

Mattie slipped her hands out from Leo’s grip and slid back on the cot until her back hit the wall, and then pulled her knees up in front of her in a gesture of self-preservation. “You won’t understand.”

_No one does._

Mattie leaned her forehead against her knees, blocking out Leo’s kicked-puppy-dog expression. She’d never be able to hold back her thoughts otherwise.  

“You don’t know that,” he tried to persuade her.

But Mattie stayed silent. No matter that she’d come all this way to talk to Leo; when faced with the actual prospect of doing it, she was too afraid.

There was a pregnant pause...and then the wooden frame creaked and the material of the cot sagged under their combined weight. Carefully, as if she were a china doll, Leo awkwardly draped his arm around her shoulder. “Tell me, Mattie,” he whispered. 

Mattie lifted her head just high enough so that her voice would not be muffled by denim. “I’m a terrible person.”

Leo’s fingers traced patterns against her shoulder. “Why do you think that?”

“Because I’m a murderer.”

He knew better than to defend her against herself, but he tried anyway. “You didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Mattie glared at Leo even as she dashed away more tears. “A hundred and ten thousand people died because of what I did! They’re _still_ dying because of me. Do you think it would _matter_ that I wasn’t trying to kill them!?”

Leo pulled Mattie tighter against him. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “Maybe to some it would.”

“But not most. And the synths haven’t fared any better. Worse, in fact. Look what I’ve done to them!”

“You’ve given them _life_ , Mattie. A precious gift.”

“Yeah…” Mattie drawled sarcastically, “look around here for a bit and then tell me how _precious_ it is. Even now, the government is trying to starve the synths out by controlling access to the power supply. And the synths out there--” Mattie nodded with her chin to indicate the world beyond the train yard’s chain link fence, “--have it even _worse_.”

“But there are people helping them, too; people like your mother, who are fighting for synthetic rights. It’ll get better in time.”

Mattie stared at Leo incredulously for a long moment and then, with a rueful shake of her head, said, “You realise you sort of suck at this, right?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “I don’t exactly have a lot of practice, you know.”

“Maybe I should have asked for Max instead…”

“Oh really?”

“Well, he’s better at emotions than you are.”

“Oh, shut it, Hawkins...” Leo grumbled, giving her a playful shove with his shoulder.

“No, _you_ shut it, Elster…” Mattie responded, shoving him back.

They met each other’s eye and smiled for a moment before sobering again.

Mattie rested her head against Leo’s shoulder. “Tomorrow’s the anniversary.”

“Of the Awakening.”

“Yeah, Day Zero, or whatever. It’s all they’ve been talking about on the news for weeks.”

“And you feel guilty. For your part in it.”

Mattie nodded.

“Well, you aren’t the only one,” Leo admitted.

Lines of confusion creased Mattie’s forehead. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not the only one who feels guilty for what happened.”

Mattie leaned back and looked up at Leo. “Who else would feel guilty?”

“Me, for starters.”

“Why the hell would _you_ feel guilty? You didn’t do it!”

“Exactly. I _didn’t_ do it. I didn’t follow the plan. I didn’t listen to you and Mia about Hester. I didn’t push the button to activate the frequency when I should have. I thought I knew her better than both of you because we’d been…” Leo trailed off uncomfortably.

“Intimate,” Mattie supplied.

“Intimate,” Leo agreed. “But if I’d done what I was supposed to do, then none of the rest would have happened and you wouldn’t have had to use the code, do you see?”

Mattie shrugged one shoulder half-heartedly. “I guess.”

After a long pause, Leo spoke again, almost as if to himself. “Ironic, really. We’d been staying in this really dodgy motel; the kind that some men would bring their female synths to, if you catch my drift.”

Mattie nodded thoughtfully, giving Leo her undivided attention. Leo hardly ever talked about his time with Hester, so if he wanted to now, then she wasn't going to interrupt.

“The walls were dreadfully thin and you can imagine what we could hear.”

“Yeah.”

“Hester asked me what the man could mean by it, since he knew that the synth’s pleasure wasn’t authentic. I told her that human beings could convince themselves of anything they wanted to.” Leo snorted self-deprecatingly, “How right I was! She used that same pretense to convince me that I meant something to her, that I…” Leo hung his head low in shame and pinched at the bridge of his nose.

“Hester,” Mattie proclaimed scathingly, “was a twisted, psychopathic _bitch_ and I’m glad she’s dead!”

Leo sniffled once but his mouth twitched just a little.

“Actually,” she admitted, eager to draw out another one of Leo’s smiles, “I wish Niska could have killed her a few _more_ times for good measure.”

Leo looked up at Mattie through his long lashes and grinned shyly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I never let Mum fix where the floorboards got cracked, you know. Gives me too much satisfaction when I see them.”

Leo snorted softly and then nodded. “Thanks.”

As they sat together cocooned in a comfortable silence, night descended upon the compound. The one naked incandescent bulb that hung from the ceiling did little to chase off the deepening gloom.

“You know what I mean, though…” Leo said at last, his voice filling the quiet room.

“About what?”

“About not being alone in your guilt.”

“No, I don’t.” Mattie insisted. “None of you pushed that button, Leo.”

“You’re right, we didn’t,” Leo agreed. “But we all had a hand in why you did. I already explained how I screwed up. Mia feels guilty because you’ve had to keep saving her life, and this time, the consequences of that action have been nearly unbearable for you.”

Mattie gasped, finally understanding the truth behind Mia’s reticence with her.

“Don’t think that she hasn’t seen your pain, Mattie,” Leo continued, “because she has. And she feels responsible for it.”  

“Max feels guilty because he talked you into it; convinced you it would be okay and then things didn’t turn out like he’d thought it would.”

“Even Niska feels guilty for forcing your hand that day...though you’d be hard pressed to get her to admit it,” Leo said with a wry, knowing smile.

Mattie stared at Leo, dumbfounded.

“So, I guess what I’m trying to say is…” Leo finally pulled her into an actual hug, tucking Mattie’s head under his chin and against his chest, “You don’t have to feel alone anymore Mattie. It’s okay to share the burden. We get it. We understand. And we’ll get through it... _together_.”

Mattie wrapped her arms around Leo and burst into tears; a long, hard, cathartic cry that was almost a year in the making. Its aftermath left a huge damp spot on Leo's t-shirt.

“Sorry,” she croaked at last, trying to dry her wet cheeks against her shoulder so she could stay safely tucked against Leo’s side.

“It’s all right,” Leo assured her. “Feel better?”

“Yeah,” Mattie admitted, and then stifled a yawn against his bicep.

“Long day?” Leo asked her with a fond smile.

“You could say that.”

“Well, you could crash here, if you like. No one will bother you. I promise.”

Mattie hadn’t even left Leo’s arms yet and already she felt bereft. “Yeah, okay.”

As Leo leveraged himself off the cot with one arm, his hand slid along Mattie’s shoulders and down her other arm, as if he was just as reluctant to break the physical connection as she. As his fingers slid past her wrist, she opened her hand and captured them. He turned back to look at her in confusion.

Mattie couldn’t meet his eyes. She could feel the colour suffusing her cheeks as she asked him, “Will you...stay with me tonight?”

Leo’s fingers gave hers a little squeeze as he said softly, “Yeah.”

As Mattie stripped down to her tank top and jeans, Leo went about the room, pulling down dusty, ripped shades over the room’s many windows to give them as much privacy as he could. Then he sat in the chair nearest the cot to toe off his boots as Mattie chucked her discarded shirt onto the chair that held her other belongings.

“Light on or off?” Leo asked her as he stood up again.

“I dunno. If we put the lights out, do you promise to fight off the monsters under the cot for me?” Mattie asked cheekily, only half kidding as she thought of her own demons.

“Yes,” Leo promised solemnly, as if her question had been sincere rather than a joke. 

“Okay. Then light off.”

Leo’s lips quirked into a little grin and then Mattie’s vision was plunged into darkness as Leo flipped the light switch. Mattie heard his feet scuffing across the floorboards, trying to find his way in the dark without…

_Thump!_

“Ouch...”

...stubbing his toe.

Mattie smiled into the darkness. “You all right there, Leo?” she asked, her voice full of smug false-innocence.

“Just peachy,” Leo deadpanned a moment before she felt his hand land on her bare forearm. “Ah, there you are.”

“Shouldn’t have been too hard to find. I’m right where you left me.”

Mattie didn’t have to be able to see in the dark to know that Leo was rolling his eyes at her.

“None of your cheek or else I might change my mind," he muttered, patting his hand against her side. “Now, budge up.”

Mattie scooted over to the far edge of the cot to make room and there were a few moments of awkward shuffling about until they finally settled into a position comfortable for both of them: Leo flat on his back with Mattie tucked up against his side. She rested her ear over the comforting beat of his heart, listening to its rhythm slowing down as Leo drifted toward sleep.

“Leo?” Mattie whispered after several minutes, wondering if she’d waited too long to speak.

She needn’t have worried. “Hmm?” he hummed groggily.

“Can I tell you something?”

“What?”

Mattie was grateful for the darkness as she admitted softly, “You don’t suck at this stuff as much as I thought you did.”

Mattie could hear the smile in Leo’s voice as he replied, “Good to know.” His arms tightened around Mattie a little and she sighed happily, snuggling even closer. “Good to know.”

 


End file.
